Wednesday July 15,2020 at 10:38 pm

Everything that was done could be said that it was done out of love
At times I feel as if it comes from hate.

I still cannot understand everything. 

Everything that is inside of me 

All that I lived thought it still eats me up. 

Sometimes I do not feel alive. 

At times, these scenes or memories play out in my mind, as if they were from a terrible movie.

Then I realize that these are moments from my life. 

I cannot accept them all, I don’t want to.

I cannot understand what lead me to some situations or some of my actions. 

How can I accept what I do not understand? 

Often, I wonder how much longer I can go living the lie that I live now.

After everything, it is easier for me to share with a stranger.

Than with someone that someone I share blood with.

Some days my own thoughts scare me. 

I cannot accept something that I cannot understand. 

I cannot understand something that I can not accept.

I lost my reason, my mind, and my way. 

It was not until then that I never felt so sane.

Life has shown me how ugly it can get. 

How can it break you down and drag you so far down? 

Not sure if I was living or dying back then.

Or if I am dying or living now.